Nothing compares to the feeling of
being airborne and then landing “thud” solid on the beam. Two feet, ten toes,
hips square, chest up, chin up, sharp arms. These are the landings I dream of.
These are the landings I practice every day.
Every day, so that when it comes time, it’s not just a dream it’s muscle
memory. I need it to be this way and my team needs it to be this way. I need to
be dependable on everything, but mostly on beam.
Most people dread beam. I live for
it. When most people’s butterflies are going through the roof, when they are
praying with everything in their bodies, ‘just stay on,’ my adrenaline is pumping with anticipation
for the perfect set, and my mind knows it can happen. Beam is a rhythm. A good routine looks
effortless, because it looks natural. It looks natural because it follows a
rhythm; a rhythm that has taken years of perfecting. Like I said, I live for
it. I live to perform a routine that is swift and precise. A routine that hits
hard, slows down when it’s called for, and is both an expression of power and
grace.
Nothing compares. Nothing can
compare. When I get off the beam and I know I did my job, my body fills with
pride. It’s knowing that not only can I say I can do these tricks, but I can
say I can perform them under pressure. In other words I can compete, and I can
win. I have it in me. When my mind goes
into that rhythm, that mental beam zone, it’s like I’m in a whole other world
and I am a whole other person. Nothing exists except my body and the beam. I
know it’s cheesy to say, but the beam and I become one. I can’t hear anything
except my own breathing and the sound of my hands and feet moving “thud, sweep,
thud, thud” across the suede surface. I don’t see any distractions, I just see
that 4 foot tall, 16.5 foot long, four inch wide beam.
Once in that beam zone everything
follows. If I can get my mind into that Zen state, it doesn’t matter how tired
my body is or if I fell on every skill warming up, my mind will push my body
through. In that state I can pull anything off. People always ask me what I
think about during my routine and I will answer the same every time, nothing.
Because when I fall into that rhythm, I truly don’t have to think. I just have
to do and enjoy.
I love beam. I love the way it makes me feel. It makes me feel so in
control, natural, solid. I can always make corrections and improve it. I can
always challenge myself with a new skill. I can always go there to make me
happy if I am down. Because beam makes so much sense to me (it’s just a long line
you have to stay on) I can go there whenever anything else in my world doesn’t
make sense, and gain back some control over my life— even in that control has
nothing to do with the issue and it’s as minuscule as jumping and landing, it
makes me feel better. It keeps me in check.
My goal in life is to find more things I can enjoy with such passion.
Though I don’t believe there is anything out there quite like the feeling of
performing a beam routine. I still want to find more things like it. Things
that give me that same rush of adrenalin and emotion I get the second my
fingertips graze the surface of a beam.
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